Phobias: No laughing matter

A phobia is a type of anxiety disorder, where a person experiences a persistent, extreme fear towards a specific something. The person is usually aware that the fear is irrational, but will experience distress and intense fear in the event of coming into contact of a situation where the phobia cannot be avoided entirely.

I, for one, have scoleciphobia and myriapodophobia.
Scoleciphobia is the phobia of worms;
Myriapodophobia is the phobia of millipedes.

When I define my phobia to people, I generally define it as a phobia of longish creatures that have either no legs or more than 8 legs.
I do NOT have insectophobia.

To clarify, I'm okay with snakes, okay with grasshoppers and crickets, okay with spiders, (not so much cockroaches, but it's not a phobia), okay with beetles, ants, bees, butterflies, mosquitoes and basically everything else.

Things I am NOT okay with are
Earthworms
Worms
Any type of worm
Maggots
Millipedes
Centipedes
Caterpillars
Snails
Slugs
Leeches

I decided to make this blog post all out of a sudden because I realised the world doesn't know enough that PHOBIAS ARE NOT A JOKE.
I had a dream this morning which I woke up to crying and sweating. In the dream, my family was talking about going to buy this dish to eat which contained minute live caterpillars. There were also two huge millipedes leaving the porch of my house when we were leaving the house, and another one curled up and twitching IN THE FRONT OF THE CAR next to the driver and passenger when I was in the Estima. In the dream, I was screaming and crying, but nobody heard me. Everyone in the dream treated it like I was overreacting. I WAS overreacting, but phobias are not a joke. It's disappointing, but in reality, reactions I get from people aren't far off from the ignorance I got in my dream.

There are different degrees as to how intense one person's fear of something can be.
I have a fear of heights, but it is a not a phobia.
For someone with a phobia, you understand entirely what I am talking about.
When I come into contact with my phobia, I get a panic attack. I literally have no rationality left in me, my chest starts pounding and I experience a panic attack as would someone suffering from anxiety would.
The only difference, is that I need a trigger.

I'll explain, the degree of severity of my phobia.
Even typing the words millipede and caterpillar gives me the chills. Just looking at the words make me picture them and start imagining a terrible situation.
Talking about them, seeing pictures of them, all of that gives me chills at the back of my neck and the start of irrational imagination.
If you ever see me hold the back of my neck and rubbing it, any talking about or picture showing of those things need to stop.
It's because I imagine them at the back of my neck, that's why I need to make sure they're not there.
(Having long hair doesn't help too)

So I just want to remind everyone out there, now that you are more aware of the perspective of someone who actually has a phobia, understand the severity of it.
I get jokingly chased around by someone holding one of those things, thinking that it's funny.
It's not a laughing matter.
I guess I have it worse off sometimes because it's more irrational than a phobia that's more common or taken more seriously such as claustrophobia. Regardless of how 'rational' you think someone's fear is, remember you are not in the position to control 'how scared' they're allowed to be.
People with scoleciphobia have every right to be taken just as seriously as claustrophobics.
You might say 'oh I'm helping them overcome their fear', but in reality, you are making it worse.
If one person wants to work on fixing their phobia, they themselves will make the necessary arrangements for therapy sessions with professionals, and a mental preparation to face their fear.

Scaring the living daylights out of them doesn't help their phobia.

Goodbye.

Too many goodbye songs
All of them on replay
But none of them seem to say
What exactly I feel today
So here's my own take

Maybe to you I never meant enough
Maybe I've been dreaming way too much
Perfect scenarios, impossible thoughts
Just like in the movies, I play them out
If you knew you'd laugh out loud

Minutes left, till your time to fly
I'm miles away willing myself not to cry
Even I, don't get myself
What's there to feel
When you were never mine

You'll be back soon, I know that's true
But if you'll ever be truly back
To the way I felt
We'll never know

So just grant me this time
To act the fool
As if the world is falling in
As if I can't live without you
Because I love you so

But love's a big word
And I don't know if I ever understood
How that really felt
If that was meant for you

So a silent goodbye
I chant in my head
Words can't begin to express
My thoughts, all a mess

As I wish you goodbye and all the best
With a heavy heart, a soft voice inside my chest.

a little sprinkle of glitter.

beauty.

HELLO, lovely people of the world! quick update, I've been having exams, yay! haha. a quick post just to show some of the things my sister got me when she went down to Singapore for a few days, thanks for the goodies! <3

So first off, is this sneaky little surprise from Charles and Keith!

Charles & Keith
Style: CK2-10680144
Colour: Blue
Size: XS

Isn't it just so pretty? Its a mildly textured muted lilac-y lavender colour, and it looks so soft and elegant. When I first saw my sister with a Charles and Keith paper bag, I was so afraid that she chose something I didn't like but I'm so grateful for her good taste haha.

One of the reasons I was afraid of what she chose is because I am particularly picky when it comes to wallets. I don't like anything too small, or anything too big, and they must have enough pockets to be practical. This one has a main cash / coin compartment with a lovely colbalt blue inside. It then has a button up which opens into a three-page style which has so much room for cards and unnecessary junk! 

The back also has a small pocket with the same cobalt blue lining as the cash compartment inside. 

I really love it and really think its so so pretty! I hadn't had a proper wallet since my last Charles and Keith one was stolen, which was a deep blue and I really loved that one, but it was no longer sold anywhere. So happy to get something similar, even though its a muted down colour, I think its really pretty! 

the pre-loved now missing C&K wallet

The next things are from Bath and Body Works! A brand that I've never owned before.

Bath and Body Works
Diamond Shimmer Mist
Hawaii Passionfruit Kiss & Moonlight Path

The first thing I thought when I saw these was LIQUID GLITTER! These are shimmer body mists that look SO glittery in the bottle. I tried spraying them to see just how glittery they are and the Moonlight Path one came out it literally water droplets, so that part of my arm looked like it was sprinkled in fairy dust. I'm not sure if it's just the way I pressed the nozzle or if there's something wrong with it, but the Hawaii Passionfruit Kiss one came out pretty okay. The glitters are pretty noticeable though.

Frangrance wise! 

Hawaii Passionfruit Kiss

Top Notes: Strawberry Guava, Kona Passionfruit, Kiwi

Mid Notes: Pink Hibiscus, Pineapple, Heliconia, White Papaya Blossom

Dry Notes: Coral Sands Accord, Macadamia, Skin Musk.

So as expected, this one is pretty tropical smelling, perfect for summer, those in countries with four seasons would say. But here, I guess this scent would really be fitting on holiday by the beach. The note I could detect the clearest from the first whiff would be pineapple, even though its meant to be a passionfruit scent. Sweet, but a fruity kind of sweet, not the sickly floraly scents I really hate. I wouldn't exactly call it fresh though, but its just really fun and cute, and I actually really really love this scent so far.

Moonlight Path

Top Notes: Sheer Lavender, Bergamot

Mid Notes: Star Rose, White Jasmine, Violet, Ylang Ylang, Lily of the Valley

Dry Notes: Sandalwood, Vetiver, Oakmoss, Vanilla, Amber, Soft Musk

Didn't know what to expect from the title of this scent, because the notes aren't on the bottles, but my first impression from this was that its a dreamy and romantic kind of scent, slightly spicy with a very clear musky touch to it. This I would probably wear to dinners and special occasions, its sophisticated in a mysterious sexy kind of way, not a interview-with-potential-boss kind of way. For so many floral notes, its not at all sickly or overpowering, and I quite like it.

As an overall opinion, both scents, because they are body mists, don't have very strong overpowering scents, which is a plus, but because of that, I'm doubting the lasting power of these mists. Glitter wise, I'm actually slightly afraid to use these mists (especially the Hawaii Passionfruit!) because hey, no one wants to go to the beach looking like a disco ball. But i'm guessing the glitters won't be that bad, except for the faulty nozzle. Hmm. 

Okay! Next item, also from Bath and Body Works!

Bath and Body Works
Island Waters Room Spray

Okay, I actually just freaked out at how good my toilet is going to smell from now on. My sister bought it for our bathroom because our fragrances and air fresheners just die off so quickly. And side note: its obvious how much my sister loves the beach and tropical places.

First impression! Coconutty and fresh, just like an ocean breeze. Slightly sweet but not too strong. I actually think it would legit be able to pass as a body scent if I just sprayed it on. Woopsies.

Last item I got, from Maybelline! Have actually been eyeing this for awhile now and was thinking of getting my hands on a tube when I got to Paris or London end of this year, but thank you sister! HAHA. 

Maybelline
Primer
Pore Eraser

My skin has been really dry and patchy lately, making my foundation base look really horrible and cakey somedays. Can't wait to try it out!

So that's the end of today's post, a post coming soon will probably be product review and recommendations, yay! The Maybelline Pore Eraser will be included in that review after I try it out, along with other skin care/beauty/hair care things that my sister got me in her haul from Hong Kong about a week ago. Perks of having an older sister with money that's into beauty as well, *wink.

Time to get back to my reading!

Lyanne.

inside and outside

Food for thought, beauty

Maybe an unpopular opinion, but I think it's true: 

Is it just me, who think it's unfair

That society/ the internet seems to judge girls based on how 'natural' or 'normal' they are.

It's such a trend going around now for girls who prefer

'Sweatpants over jeans' 

'Sneakers over heels' 

'No makeup over cake-on-your-face'

'Glasses over contacts' 

'Curvy figures over skinny bodies' 

I personally think that trying to oppose society's original views on 'judging girls based on how good they look' isn't actually working by putting down girls who enjoy or are born with characteristic number 2. 

In turn, we're still carrying on judging. Just on the opposite end.

Even guys 'shun' girls who wear makeup, saying that they prefer all natural faces and makeup is ugly. 

Isn't that the same thing as guys who favor girls with a face full of makeup over natural faces?

It's all judgement.

Maybe that girl finds comfort in skinny jeans? Maybe she likes wearing makeup because it's an art or a hobby to her? Maybe she wears contacts because her glasses slip off her nose every few seconds? Maybe she's born with a body that just can't gain weight?

Maybe we've never thought about the fact that she's doing it because she likes it, feels comfortable that way and she's not doing it for you guys or the rest of society.

So maybe, we should really stop branding anybody based on how they look or dress. In my opinion judgement will never stop, but at least don't form trends that people feel the need to side by and cause the people on the opposite end to feel like they need to stop wearing heels and makeup just to please you. Because it's exactly the same thing as making them feel like they do need to.

So girls, do as you please, conservatively. What makes you comfortable.

You don't need people to tell you what you can or cannot wear.

You wanna let your hair down? Go ahead.

You feel like chilling in a hoodie and sweatpants with no makeup on outside? As you please.

Or do you just feel like rocking that kickass pair of black pumps with a leather jacket and winged eyeliner because it screams YOU? 

Do it, whatever makes you, you. 

Butpleasedontdresslikeyouhavenomoneytobuyclothesbecauseitsnotdecenttowalkaroundwithshortsthelengthofyourpantiesorletyourboobshangoutbecauseyourebetterthanthat.

❤️

-lyanne

SMKSJ Prefectorial Board 2010-2014

Prefectorial Board of 2013/2014

5 long years, have come and gone

There's still time for us to mourn 

And grieve the days that are no longer here 

Oh how we'll shed, much more than a tear.

No spring, no summer 

Not autumn, nor winter 

We thrived together in endless laughter

Memories we made serving with honour 

Pride and discipline, and high stature

All the times of weariness and pain

Drew our relationships to their strain

Through time and hardships we endured

'I want to quit!' we'll never again hear.

So oh young ones full of spunk and valour 

March forward without misusing your power 

We know you'll all do us proud 

We bid farewell as we step down.

i thank God.

subang rally.

5 years. 5 long years in Subang Rally didn't feel quite as long as I remember. It was as if it was only yesterday that I was asked to serve as a vocalist for session 1, Ignite SR'10. Subang Rally truly has been such a wonderful journey for me, so eventful, so life-changing.

For some, Subang Rally is just a yearly event where we went to party, meet friends, make memories and act like maniacs with youths from all over Subang for a day. I cannot judge, because along my 5 years of serving, many times have I fallen short of God's glory. 

I looked up to my seniors, wanted to be like them, wanted to be a part of them. And I felt left out when I wasn't. 

More than once, I fell to the sin of pride. Although my lips spoke of giving all glory to God, there was always pride and thought of self-glory. 

I wanted to be the one to sing the parts, I wanted to be the one on stage, holding the mic.

I looked through pictures on Facebook after rally, seeing how many I was in and how decent I looked.

More often than not, it was all about me. 

Even when I was made aware of my pride, I was in self denial. 

I wanted to do everything.

I was disappointed when not given the privilege to.

My own walk was a roller coaster ride, firing up days before and during rally, dying down and the process repeating year after year. 

I was tired, and felt insufficient, turning to God was never my option.

I waited for God to work a miracle, waited for God to do something, expecting rally to be able to touch me like it did before, make me cry like it did before.

But it didn't.

I was proud, I was relieved and satisfied with the way I served, my achievements and the friends I made. They became family, but I still wanted to be a part, not feeling enough love.

I waited to be pampered and to be loved.

I always wanted to be a part of the committee, to be the worship coordinator.

I felt like I knew best. But God knew me better.

As a kid in Form 1, I always wondered if I was going to be "good enough" to backup for night concert when I was Form 5. But after so long, I didn't want it anymore. I "couldn't do it", and "didn't have the time". I "had served enough". I thought. I denied it, but eventually took it up, and finally after the long journey, I pledge myself to fully trusting God, fully doing everything I do for God's glory, and not my own. 

I learned.

I learnt, I don't need to do it for the likes. I do it because I love and appreciate and want to testify.

I learnt, I need God by my side in everything.

I learnt, God gives us chances, even though we may have neglected Him for so long.

I learnt not to waste that chance.

I learnt, people do love me. I don't need to try to "belong". Because when we all seek God's love, we radiate that love to those around us.

I learnt, I don't need to seek recognition.

I learnt, it doesn't matter how I look on stage, how ridiculous.

I learnt, not to care what people think.

I learnt, that I was doing it for my God, not for the people.

I learnt, there's no easy way out. That there are no such things as convenient prayers.

I learnt, it's okay to listen to God's voice and sometimes be frank. Everyone needs a wake up call sometimes.

I learnt, I should seek God, instead of waiting for Him to shower his blessings on me.

I learnt, there are people who support me and care about me, I just need to look out for them too.

I learnt, I am not better than others. It is all by God's grace and mercy and kindness.

I learnt, to smile and learn, to be happy. The joy of the Lord, is my strength.

I learnt, there's no need to be shy, and just testify, and in all things to give all the glory to God.

I learnt, in each day, in each circumstance, God is with me, and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 

I learnt, I can be a vessel, a blessing to those around me, as much as I have my insecurities. 

I learnt, to turn to Him for everything, EVERYTHING.

I learnt, nothing matters more than Him.

I learnt, for my generation, I can make a difference.

I learnt, I can be the salt and light of my school, home, community, nation.

I learnt, Subang Rally changed my life and perspective of serving.

Perspective of worship.

Because worship isn't about singing songs and playing music.

Worship is about giving praises and glory to God every waking moment of our lives. 

Worship is ongoing, worship is beautiful. 

And worship is about God.

I truly thank God for the opportunity and privilege to serve Him. I thank God that He can use someone like me, who is so unworthy, but in God's eyes, He has made the unworthy worthy, the unrighteous, righteous.

I thank God for allowing me to be a blessing to others.

I thank God for His entire plan for me.

I thank God for the wonderful families I have, families of blood and of Christ.

I thank God for allowing me to intercede, and letting myself grow.

I thank God that he allowed Subang Rally to change my life.

Amen.

Lyanne