i thank God.

subang rally.

5 years. 5 long years in Subang Rally didn't feel quite as long as I remember. It was as if it was only yesterday that I was asked to serve as a vocalist for session 1, Ignite SR'10. Subang Rally truly has been such a wonderful journey for me, so eventful, so life-changing.

For some, Subang Rally is just a yearly event where we went to party, meet friends, make memories and act like maniacs with youths from all over Subang for a day. I cannot judge, because along my 5 years of serving, many times have I fallen short of God's glory. 

I looked up to my seniors, wanted to be like them, wanted to be a part of them. And I felt left out when I wasn't. 

More than once, I fell to the sin of pride. Although my lips spoke of giving all glory to God, there was always pride and thought of self-glory. 

I wanted to be the one to sing the parts, I wanted to be the one on stage, holding the mic.

I looked through pictures on Facebook after rally, seeing how many I was in and how decent I looked.

More often than not, it was all about me. 

Even when I was made aware of my pride, I was in self denial. 

I wanted to do everything.

I was disappointed when not given the privilege to.

My own walk was a roller coaster ride, firing up days before and during rally, dying down and the process repeating year after year. 

I was tired, and felt insufficient, turning to God was never my option.

I waited for God to work a miracle, waited for God to do something, expecting rally to be able to touch me like it did before, make me cry like it did before.

But it didn't.

I was proud, I was relieved and satisfied with the way I served, my achievements and the friends I made. They became family, but I still wanted to be a part, not feeling enough love.

I waited to be pampered and to be loved.

I always wanted to be a part of the committee, to be the worship coordinator.

I felt like I knew best. But God knew me better.

As a kid in Form 1, I always wondered if I was going to be "good enough" to backup for night concert when I was Form 5. But after so long, I didn't want it anymore. I "couldn't do it", and "didn't have the time". I "had served enough". I thought. I denied it, but eventually took it up, and finally after the long journey, I pledge myself to fully trusting God, fully doing everything I do for God's glory, and not my own. 

I learned.

I learnt, I don't need to do it for the likes. I do it because I love and appreciate and want to testify.

I learnt, I need God by my side in everything.

I learnt, God gives us chances, even though we may have neglected Him for so long.

I learnt not to waste that chance.

I learnt, people do love me. I don't need to try to "belong". Because when we all seek God's love, we radiate that love to those around us.

I learnt, I don't need to seek recognition.

I learnt, it doesn't matter how I look on stage, how ridiculous.

I learnt, not to care what people think.

I learnt, that I was doing it for my God, not for the people.

I learnt, there's no easy way out. That there are no such things as convenient prayers.

I learnt, it's okay to listen to God's voice and sometimes be frank. Everyone needs a wake up call sometimes.

I learnt, I should seek God, instead of waiting for Him to shower his blessings on me.

I learnt, there are people who support me and care about me, I just need to look out for them too.

I learnt, I am not better than others. It is all by God's grace and mercy and kindness.

I learnt, to smile and learn, to be happy. The joy of the Lord, is my strength.

I learnt, there's no need to be shy, and just testify, and in all things to give all the glory to God.

I learnt, in each day, in each circumstance, God is with me, and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 

I learnt, I can be a vessel, a blessing to those around me, as much as I have my insecurities. 

I learnt, to turn to Him for everything, EVERYTHING.

I learnt, nothing matters more than Him.

I learnt, for my generation, I can make a difference.

I learnt, I can be the salt and light of my school, home, community, nation.

I learnt, Subang Rally changed my life and perspective of serving.

Perspective of worship.

Because worship isn't about singing songs and playing music.

Worship is about giving praises and glory to God every waking moment of our lives. 

Worship is ongoing, worship is beautiful. 

And worship is about God.

I truly thank God for the opportunity and privilege to serve Him. I thank God that He can use someone like me, who is so unworthy, but in God's eyes, He has made the unworthy worthy, the unrighteous, righteous.

I thank God for allowing me to be a blessing to others.

I thank God for His entire plan for me.

I thank God for the wonderful families I have, families of blood and of Christ.

I thank God for allowing me to intercede, and letting myself grow.

I thank God that he allowed Subang Rally to change my life.

Amen.

Lyanne