I Wish.

I knew it. Could see it coming. How could I have such a long run of happiness and joy without anything messing me up? It isn't like me. It was weird. Way too strange.

But where do pent up emotions go? The frustrations of almost 10 years, rapidly growing sick and tired of the bullshit I have to endure. Nothing has changed, nothing at all. Why are my opinions only necessary and needed when you want them? When all of you want them? I wish I could help. I do. I wished we didn't have to pointlessly spend 3 hours trying to figure out what was wrong. I wish. And I could. But there was no chance.

Stubbornness. Denial.

Stupidity and immaturity can be taught, can be cured. But how do you cure stubbornness, for those in refusal to accept or even attempt the suggestions given? How can the place, the people that are supposed to bring me peace be the only ones to repeatedly push me off the edge? This is not sanctuary. This is hell.

I wish I could talk. I wish I could vent. But I wish not to be a pain nor a burden.

What have I gotten you into?  A train wreck of emotions? I wish you didn't know. But then again, I wish you do, the least I could do is let you know who exactly, WHAT exactly I am.

Contradictions, yet all true.

So I toss and I turn. Afraid, angry. I will free myself. Because beneath the beautiful, there is hurt, there is pain.