And so I'm back. And it seems that this has become a venting place for frustrations.
But just how could one be so unappreciative?
So unloving?
So shallow and distasteful,
So much care for the worldly and glorious praise,
So little for true thoughtfulness.
It baffles me.
It hurts me.
These inflictions are way more than skin deep.
It is the message, the intention held behind a simple action of disinterest, and wayward priorities.
A message that whips,
a message that scars.
I choose not to be the same.
I forcibly decide on a character far different.
And strive toward better.
For it is far from a shining example.
And yet, with all attempted positivity,
the stings and lashes remain.
Because how can one truly accept?
Such disdain, such disapproval,
despite an intentional attempt to please.
Moreover over something so petty,
So childish.
So superficial.
So temporal.
So ungrateful.
Thursday, 23 June 2016
Sunday, 6 March 2016
Unreasonable.
Unreasonable, my tears do they come?
It was as if your words were daggers striking my heart.
When practicality and unfortunate circumstances triumph all longing and want,
Anticipation crushed, traces of what feels like disappointment, almost betrayal.
Nonchalant apologies, spurred anger and pure frustration
For what of my stay here, if not for love and desire?
Emotions blaring, yet attempting to be forgiving,
It's funny how something that seems so insignificant
Causes the heart the pain and to refuse further contact and amends.
It was as if your words were daggers striking my heart.
When practicality and unfortunate circumstances triumph all longing and want,
Anticipation crushed, traces of what feels like disappointment, almost betrayal.
Nonchalant apologies, spurred anger and pure frustration
For what of my stay here, if not for love and desire?
Emotions blaring, yet attempting to be forgiving,
It's funny how something that seems so insignificant
Causes the heart the pain and to refuse further contact and amends.
Wednesday, 10 February 2016
This Rhythmic (or lack thereof) Journey.
It's been awhile. It always has, seeing as I have very little dedication to this blog. Much less than I have towards many other things in life, despite my bold proclamation of love for writing. But I suppose this may be lovely to look back to, years ahead, wherever I may be, whatever predicament or social condition I may be in.
So where to start? It seems that I haven't documented much of my musical journey, and today I feel particularly chatty. (And wide awake, even though it's 12.10 a.m. Blame my spontaneous attempt at chocolate mud-cake, I'm as stuffed as a pot-bellied pig!) I ramble. So looking back, at where I started, and looking forward at what's to come, this still feels surreal. I still remember enjoying (to an extent) Yamaha classes I used to take as a child. Solfege was fun, came easy to me (Again, to an extent). Piano lessons took it's darker turn when I got a particular teacher that particular year when I had to take 2 particular exams. I believe I was 7? 8? Both ABRSM and Yamaha at once was tough for a kid. Things didn't get any better as Yamaha was dropped and ABRSM was continued. (Without me having any say, mind you!) Classes got more stressful, and I dreaded every Tuesday (?). Theory was just pfffft. Many times over did I want to stop. Hated sight reading, hated scales, hated learning songs I could barely read. I can barely remember when I started to get the idea that I wanted to do it for the rest of my life, no thanks to classical ABRSM syllabus! Church spurred that, a lot. Playing more freely, with chords I could interpret in my own melodic and rhythmic way, lit a bulb in me that no classical piece ever could. Working with a band built that confidence more, in a way I never really understood. Perhaps I came to see the beauty of music as a whole, a song as an entire piece, but yet being able to analyse every small part. Controlling band dynamics, with the build ups and drops and transitions, and flowing, everything was just a masterpiece if done correctly. Placing myself in the P.A. System department of the prefectorial board was another push. Not a regret at all. Learning protocols, show procedure, amateur skills in handling an amateur mixer, coiling cables over and over again, stage management. It was as if I enjoyed the stress, perhaps due to the very rewarding satisfaction at the end of it all. When I turned down higher posts for a choice to retain in the P.A. Board, they asked me why. Of course it was partly bullshit, but it was something along the lines of "I want to do music in the future, so I want to be able to extend my ability in the field of mixing/understanding how sound works." They laughed, saying something like "Oh you nak jadi rock star ke?", but I didn't care. What if I did? What was so funny about that?
Which brings us to present day. It has been 2 semesters past in ICOM already. Everything seems to have passed so quickly, like it was just yesterday that I set foot in to register. And now I spend almost every waking hour in that place, learning, practicing, wasting my time, laughing, loving. But then again, I have seen a major growth that I never expected. If you ever told that young classical pianist (could I REALLY even consider myself one then?) at the age of 13/14 that she was one day going to actively practice technicals and scales on her own accord because she wanted to improve, she would have probably told you to piss off. Yes, I still do insist that I don't have enough time, which is true. I'm still very much under-accomplished as a performer for a 3rd Sem student. I still want more time that I can't have before stepping foot any further. But it's my last sem, and I suppose I have to make do with what I have. An audition in June, and a possible goodbye for 2 and a half years in August. Short though the time here I've been, I've gone through so much. So many opportunities came by me that I could never have imagined. From singing for FP on the first week of college, to open mics, Penang Jazz, Snarky Puppy, watching gig after gig, getting recognition as a writer, showband opportunities and now produced as a writer for my very own EP, I count myself extremely blessed. For the chances I've been given, for the friends I've made, for the people I've come to love and appreciate. Though week after week, it really isn't easy, but I've come to make do. Coming from the tired, stressed out girl in Sem 1 who used to sleep on the 2nd Floor tables, to accepting what I have to do and giving myself more space and time to prioritise my work, it's not over yet but I'm glad I've made it this far.
Looking into the near future, so many exciting opportunities await. I can't believe it, it was not that long ago I was still dreaming of entering ICOM, and soon I'll be leaving it. Then, Berklee. BERKLEE. It indeed still seems so surreal. So what will it be, Songwriting, Film Scoring or CWP? It is a choice I still find hard to make. Perhaps one day when I look back at this blog post I may laugh at my indecisiveness. Or perhaps I may look back and still wonder if I've made the right choice. Who knows? All I know is, excitement awaits in August, but also unwillingness to let go. Bittersweet it will be. But for now, let that be a bridge we cross when we get there, and let this bottled up excitement be for what a huge project my EP is becoming.
Until Again,
Lyanne Low.
So where to start? It seems that I haven't documented much of my musical journey, and today I feel particularly chatty. (And wide awake, even though it's 12.10 a.m. Blame my spontaneous attempt at chocolate mud-cake, I'm as stuffed as a pot-bellied pig!) I ramble. So looking back, at where I started, and looking forward at what's to come, this still feels surreal. I still remember enjoying (to an extent) Yamaha classes I used to take as a child. Solfege was fun, came easy to me (Again, to an extent). Piano lessons took it's darker turn when I got a particular teacher that particular year when I had to take 2 particular exams. I believe I was 7? 8? Both ABRSM and Yamaha at once was tough for a kid. Things didn't get any better as Yamaha was dropped and ABRSM was continued. (Without me having any say, mind you!) Classes got more stressful, and I dreaded every Tuesday (?). Theory was just pfffft. Many times over did I want to stop. Hated sight reading, hated scales, hated learning songs I could barely read. I can barely remember when I started to get the idea that I wanted to do it for the rest of my life, no thanks to classical ABRSM syllabus! Church spurred that, a lot. Playing more freely, with chords I could interpret in my own melodic and rhythmic way, lit a bulb in me that no classical piece ever could. Working with a band built that confidence more, in a way I never really understood. Perhaps I came to see the beauty of music as a whole, a song as an entire piece, but yet being able to analyse every small part. Controlling band dynamics, with the build ups and drops and transitions, and flowing, everything was just a masterpiece if done correctly. Placing myself in the P.A. System department of the prefectorial board was another push. Not a regret at all. Learning protocols, show procedure, amateur skills in handling an amateur mixer, coiling cables over and over again, stage management. It was as if I enjoyed the stress, perhaps due to the very rewarding satisfaction at the end of it all. When I turned down higher posts for a choice to retain in the P.A. Board, they asked me why. Of course it was partly bullshit, but it was something along the lines of "I want to do music in the future, so I want to be able to extend my ability in the field of mixing/understanding how sound works." They laughed, saying something like "Oh you nak jadi rock star ke?", but I didn't care. What if I did? What was so funny about that?
Which brings us to present day. It has been 2 semesters past in ICOM already. Everything seems to have passed so quickly, like it was just yesterday that I set foot in to register. And now I spend almost every waking hour in that place, learning, practicing, wasting my time, laughing, loving. But then again, I have seen a major growth that I never expected. If you ever told that young classical pianist (could I REALLY even consider myself one then?) at the age of 13/14 that she was one day going to actively practice technicals and scales on her own accord because she wanted to improve, she would have probably told you to piss off. Yes, I still do insist that I don't have enough time, which is true. I'm still very much under-accomplished as a performer for a 3rd Sem student. I still want more time that I can't have before stepping foot any further. But it's my last sem, and I suppose I have to make do with what I have. An audition in June, and a possible goodbye for 2 and a half years in August. Short though the time here I've been, I've gone through so much. So many opportunities came by me that I could never have imagined. From singing for FP on the first week of college, to open mics, Penang Jazz, Snarky Puppy, watching gig after gig, getting recognition as a writer, showband opportunities and now produced as a writer for my very own EP, I count myself extremely blessed. For the chances I've been given, for the friends I've made, for the people I've come to love and appreciate. Though week after week, it really isn't easy, but I've come to make do. Coming from the tired, stressed out girl in Sem 1 who used to sleep on the 2nd Floor tables, to accepting what I have to do and giving myself more space and time to prioritise my work, it's not over yet but I'm glad I've made it this far.
Looking into the near future, so many exciting opportunities await. I can't believe it, it was not that long ago I was still dreaming of entering ICOM, and soon I'll be leaving it. Then, Berklee. BERKLEE. It indeed still seems so surreal. So what will it be, Songwriting, Film Scoring or CWP? It is a choice I still find hard to make. Perhaps one day when I look back at this blog post I may laugh at my indecisiveness. Or perhaps I may look back and still wonder if I've made the right choice. Who knows? All I know is, excitement awaits in August, but also unwillingness to let go. Bittersweet it will be. But for now, let that be a bridge we cross when we get there, and let this bottled up excitement be for what a huge project my EP is becoming.
Until Again,
Lyanne Low.
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